The United Life
For as long as I can remember Iíve been writing about things that I feel, primarily the things that I sense and know to be true. Many of the small events which took place in my life yielded me great lessons, and in finding what I was meant to learn, I have become who I am today. I feel that there is a story and a reason for everything in life. For the longest time all I was writing of was the reason, with the belief that it could help. It is quite difficult to ascertain the reasoning for many things without the history of its understanding, and so I will write the story in small fragments which go hand in hand with the articles Iíve been writing of for so long.
In the past five months Iíve learned more of who I truly am than in the rest of the twenty six years Iíve lived. Before that however, there were events in my life which kept me away from society, hunkered around my computer in my parentsí basement, finding the only peace I had ever known in complete physical isolation. The following is a short glimpse of a change, of my emergence from fear to love.
I was involved in a relationship with a girl whose life was chaotic and depressive, one who used her ego to hone itself into difficulty. She had beliefs that what she was doing was good, by allowing others to run her life. For a few months this first relationship of mine lasted, only to end in difficulty once again for both of us. After this breakup I found myself in a deeper void than I had spent when I was alone after years of out casting myself from society. Once again, as so many times before, I found myself online constructing a new profile for a dating site. The lesson I learned had humbled me however, and I let myself out, I no longer cared to boost anything about who I wanted to be, or who I felt I was. There was no longer the need for any aloof story of a sad, depressed boy in need of that one special love to turn his life around.
Instead, I wrote from my heart.
As I was writing I found it easy to tell of who I was, for I knew that to hide anything at all would only result in me pretending to be that idea of who I was not. I wrote all this because I was no longer afraid to speak of my true self, beyond the flashy looks, beyond what I wanted to be, and far beyond who I use to think I was. I began to understand that it was the hurt, and the letting go; not only of pain, but of who I thought I was, allowed me to catch a glimpse of who I truly am.
I learned that at certain times of our lives we become enveloped in the idea of being isolated from the world. Sometimes this comes forth through depression, isolation, solitude, or other things which our society deems unhealthy. The truth is that if we use the time of our social isolation in a positive way, we can learn the lessons of life without the need of others. In doing so however, we begin to lose our proper social identity, the ego fades, and when the time comes to emerge from our solace, it is often difficult to reunite with the bonds of the physical world.
Many aspects of our existence can only be learned through ourselves at times when we shut off society from interfering with our growth. The major aspect of growth is the removal and overcoming of the social identity and the learning of who we truly are, for the existence of what we grow into is hardly ever who we feel we are meant to be. Often people will question this, for they become so comfortable with believing that they know anything at all about themselves that they fear the allowance of their life to begin.
The fear comes from the knowledge that we must step out of our current existence ideas in a tracing of our roots, though most people are deathly afraid of awakening to real life. Other people believe they know the truth of who they are because of the events of their life, they do not take the time to accept their reality as positive change as they fear the truth that the past has truly passed.
Harsh events are brought into this world to teach and structure us into returning to our proper path. The individuals who fight or linger on these events can only breed worse ones by disallowing the lessons of such events to be learned. It is easy to understand the lessons if we accept them and realize the things they are trying to teach us. An interesting idea that I find is that most people only allow the lessons to precede their personal ideas for a short time, and once they overcome the physical idea; they return to who they previously were, as if it never happened. You see this pattern emerging almost everywhere you look, it is a sense of how people take things for granted until they are gone, or become only humbled for very brief periods of time by things which are gained.