Waking from the Darkness
It has taken many years to return to this place.. Iíve been lost and afraid; bored with my life, unfocused and uncaring, trying to take something.. anything, and make it meaningful. At this moment, right now, where I sit and type, I am finding that there is a purpose. I used to write a lot, beautiful and thought provoking pieces (I felt anyway); but tonight when I came home with my green tea, sitting with my back against my massaging chair, watching reruns of American Horror Story: Coven.. I have it all on pause, and I am typing.
I dreamt last night, and Iíve dreamt recently.. this is how I know that Iím returning to a time and place where I can sit and type, just whats on my mind, without a care or a need to worry about who may care for what I write; or who doesnít. The dream I had took place at Rattray Marsh; as many dreams have in my past, for this area is special to me.
I dreamt last night, that it was pitch black and I drove my car to the old school which is connected to the Marsh by a thin chainlink fence. When we were young and visited this school, we used to go into the marsh and wander around on lunch breaks; many people did, and when school ended I went back to take photos many times. The marsh is a beautiful conservation area with a wooden path, many different types of trees and wildlife; my favorite time to visit is in the late summer just before dusk.. I would sit and watch the sun go down and hope for something special to happen in my life.
I dreamt last night, that the pitch black night welcomed me, into the field behind the school; up the grassy hill to lay with my back in the cool grass and watch the stars. It was peaceful; my mind did not wander, my stomach did not turn, my head did not ache and I was not tired in the least. I just laid down and watched the stars. In the distance I saw a car pull up and park at the school; the lights turned off and I heard the doors slam shut.. I heard muffled speech walk up through the night towards the grassy hill, and I could barely see the starlit shadows walking towards me.
A friendly couple walked closer to me, and we began to talk about the marsh; they wondered where they were and what they were doing; why they had come to this place in the middle of the night. I explained the area and what I had mentioned here about my connection to this place and they beckoned me to walk with them into the marsh. Then I woke up.
I feel that my dreams and my life are returning to me; that those who walked through the darkness, unafraid, daring and knowing they could approach me in the middle of the night were parts of myself coming back. Slowly Iím becoming myself again. And Iím not afraid.